NeS2 Post 1874
NeS2 Post 1874 opens with Britt the Legend where the group have met Michel Nostradamus who seems to be able to predict the future and understands the Story and the path that Britt must follow. They must flee from Marduck and enter the Jupiterian Palace to meet with Maester Funster. Jupiterian royal names are reserved centuries in advance and can only be used by the specific prince or princess amongst Jupiterians - so Maester Funster is able to confirm that Polly Simon is the future Princess Ptolly come back in time by her name alone. Suddenly it is revealed that the queen has died by the current Princess Ptetra is missing and so Polly must pretend to be the new queen. While attending a dinner they decide they must go and find the wayward princess but Britt must be knocked out before he would agree to go. He wakes up outside marching through the red weed countryside of Jupiter along with the rest of his group. In the present The Last True Evil meets with Twin Suns and reveals to him the demise of Mr Stafford and the Convenience Store of the Damned, thus strengthening the Remembered Forces. The NeS Heroes, with their list of Seals to be broken by TLTE, discover a reference to 'vice' and presume it must refer to Darth Vice and seek to get ahead of TLTE. Dr Evil, in the U.S.A., discovered that Arkng Thand has caused many in Disney to become drones but Semievil has made contact with Angela Langley of Proctor Research in their investigation against the president. Post Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Eight Britt: The Legend - Chapter Thirty-Eight Polly: "Britt! What have you done!? You've ruined everything!" Britt: "Nothing to stop you going back, little princess! Then you can chew Oheanos' head off and insert your eggs whenever you please!" Oheanos looked horrified. He edged away from Polly. Polly: "He's saying I'm a preying mantis, Ohqeanos. I don't literally do that." Ohqeanos, unassured, now stood with Kaptin between himself and his betrothed. Polly: "Britt. I think I'm starting to hate you." Britt waggled his arms. Britt: "Join the club, darling. Now I need a spaceship." Polly: "How do we return to the future!?" Nostradamus: "I believe the correct expression is back to the future." Polly: "Who asked you!? Why are you still here!?" Polly grabbed a reluctant Ohqeanos by his white, short-sleeves shirt and spilt some of his pens to the floor that had been sitting in his breast pocket. Ohqeanos put up a feeble struggle. Polly: "We are all going back to the future! That includes you! And you are going to fix this!" Britt turned, a more serious expression on his face than usual. Britt: "I know I've been pally with you for a while now, Princess, but I don't take orders. I haven't taken orders since I was made a slave all those years ago. I'm not going back to that." Polly took several aggressive steps toward Britt. Polly: "You will--!" Nostradamus: "And now would be my cue to tell you that I can send you back to the future!" Everyone stared at Nostradamus. Nostradamus grinned with the sudden attention and basked in it. Ohqeanos: "H-How?" Nostradamus: "Well, that's a secret. You'll need to be blind-folded and wotnot." Polly: "I don't like the sound of that." Kaptin: "Me neither. Last time a whore had me blindfolded she left me strapped to a tree on a deserted island and nicked me ship!" Britt: "There you go, Princess. Problem solved. We can all leave as the best of friends. I'm going to get years of my life back!" Nostradamus: "Actually, Britt, you have to come with us." Britt: "What? Why?" Nostradamus: "It is Written." Britt: "... ... What in the buggery does that mean?" Nostradamus: "Let me put it another way. Right now we're in your Story. You already know this, right? So if you toddle off, we're left out of the Story and nothing we do is ever achieved. Does that sufficiently stroke your ego?" Britt: "I do not have an ego." Kaptin: "You totally have an ego, mate." Britt: "You're supposed to be on my side, Kwanza!" Polly: "I'll let you have some of my cookies, Britt." Britt: "Done!" Polly: "And maybe I won't poison them." Britt: "C'mon! You want what you want and I want what I want. You can't blame me for that!" Polly: "You would risk the entire solar system, billions of lives, for yourself?" Britt: "When you put it like that, it does sound bad. But, really, I'm sure things will turn out just fine. You worry too much. You need to chill your heels, Princess!" Polly: "If you really are the Main Character of some Story, which I'm not even sure I completely believe, then you should act more like it or you'll lose that Story. What kind of hero puts himself before everyone else?" Britt: "..." Polly: "Right then." She finally released Ohqeanos, having calmed down. Polly: "You might not care about my home, my family, my people but I do." Britt: "I do care about them. I do! I just... it seemed like my only opportunity to..." Polly: "You get even more years on a life you've already lived for too long." Britt: "Right. Okay Michel. Show us your time-travelling wonder." Nostradamus: "I will. Once we escape Marduck." Suddenly there was a screech and a horrific howl through the air that Britt instantly recognised. Below them, in the city streets, the Jupiterians started to run to their homes. Britt: "We have to get inside. Now!" Polly: "What? What is it!?" Britt: "The god you don't believe in!" The wind started to pull at their clothes and their hair, then the stinging started as something sharp in that wind cut their skin. Britt knew it would soon get worse. He looked up. The Palace. He led the way up the stairs, careful not to fall over the side as there were no railings. Coloured lights illuminated their path and, in minutes, they dove inside the palace. Britt: "Whew! That was bloody close!" Guard: "HALT!" Britt: "Bollocks." Polly: "Wait! Wait! I'm a Princess!" Guard: "Hahaha! Pull the other one, missus!" Polly: "I'm Princess Ptolly! Find the maester!" Britt: "There's a 't' in your name!?" Polly: "It translates well to Polly, right? Sick of Americans mispronouncing my name. So I chose an English name." Guard: "There is no Princess Ptolly." Polly: "There is. Just get the Maester!" Hulk: "Hulk smash?" Polly: "No! No smashing!" TLTE stands at a distance from the burning remains of the Convenience Store of the Damned. The small French village was silent below, too few of them to even notice a building blazing away. TLTE cracks his neck. The creature within was hard to contain and his bones always felt like they were moving, shifting. A single footfall announces the arrival of another person. Twin Suns: "Why did you call me here, TLTE? I have no business with you." TLTE smiles. TLTE: "And yet... you came." Twin Suns: "I assumed it would be worth hearing whatever you have to say." Twin Suns walks around TLTE and watches the building burning. Twin Suns: "One of Mr Stafford's properties?" TLTE answers without turning around. He takes out a cigarette and lights it. TLTE: "Mr Stafford is no longer a problem, ponyat?" Twin Suns: "What? What did you do?" TLTE: "I freed your Forgotten brethren. And now, they can become Remembered. Vernyy?" Twin Suns: "Why would you do this?" TLTE: "Maybe we just say - I wanted to help you, da?" Twin Suns: "No. Maybe we don't say that. I want to know what your game is. I wanted Stafford out of the game, but this? I don't even know what this is. But whatever it is, I don't like it. It's not a game I'm interested in playing." TLTE: "Too late. You are already playing. They will come to you. There is nowhere else." Twin Suns: "I need to know why." TLTE: "Someone close to me was once Forgotten... he was their leader... before you. It broke him. It will not happen again. Not if they are Remembered." Twin Suns: "That sounds too altruistic for you. From what I know of you." TLTE: "That is the answer you be given, tovarish." Twin Suns: "Why now?" TLTE walked away. TLTE: "You have your answer. Goodbye." Twin Suns looks down to the ground. He doesn't like this but he has little option than to play the cards he'd been given. He couldn't deny this would be a boon for him and his people. Mr Stafford was no hero. He used the Forgotten for his own ends. Twin Suns and his followed served something greater. And together they were heroes again. But something... he looks at his hand. It's clenched. But... did he clench it? He spreads his fingers. They, reluctantly, open. He shakes it off. He has no time for weakness. His body was feeling less and less his own, but it wouldn't stop him. Whatever illness he has... he would overcome it. Yet somewhere in his mind another mind admires TLTE's handiwork. Somewhere... in the dark recesses... ---------- Britt cont. Maester Funster: "I don't believe it! It's true!" Britt: "I don't believe that your name is actually 'Funster'. You have cruel parents." They had been taken through the palace to a circular room with a large star chart painted on the ground. Yet the star chart moved, ever so slowly, as the stars of the galaxy moved. The star chart delighted Britt immensely and he decided that would one day be his goal - space; the final frontier. Ohqeanos too had been obsessed with it and the two of them stared down at the marvel. Until Polly walked over it without a care. Maester Funster had been looking through a stupidly oversized book that prescribed names for future generations of the royal family. Each generation was limited to a specific selection of names and those names were illegal for use by anyone other than the royal family. Which made things difficult because nobody knew what those names actually were until they were arrested and accused of treason. So Polly's name, Ptolly, had been decided two decades ago. Two decades from 1555. Britt: "I suppose it means you don't end up with terrible parents naming their kids after cartoon characters or whatever drugs they'd been taking at the time." Kaptin: "And what are Polly's kids names going to be? Bit rubbish that some old bloke centuries ago got to decide the name of your kids, right Ohqeanos." Ohqeanos was now staring at Polly's back. Evidently, from his expression, his children would never be named by some ingrate from another world. Creativity was the rule with names. His parents had named him using a dousing stick and chalk outlines of letters in the tarmac. Nostradamus: "And now some bad news..." Britt: "What? What's up?" Nostradamus: "Oh, not from me!" A guard burst in. Guard: "The Queen is dead!" Nostradamus: "Shocking!" Britt: "How..." Ohqeanos: "It's Nostradamus. That's what he does." Britt: "Look, Mike, I'm onto you! You're up to something. I don't believe in any of this fortune telling rubbish!" Nostradamus: "Polly is about to be made temporary Queen." Maester Funster: "Ptolly, you will have to be our temporary Queen..." Britt: "What?" He turned to Polly and the Maester. Britt: "What!?" Maester Funster: "Well... The Princess is... she's... absconded." Polly: "You have got to be kidding me..." Britt: "Does this mean you got what you wanted, Princess? Can I go home now?" Polly: "No! I am not supposed to be Queen! I'm supposed to marry Ohqeanos!" Britt began to open his mouth but Polly cut him off. Polly: "In our time to stop a war!" Britt: "Feck." In Rome. Losien: "Wait, read that next one." Iriana: "Evil true will break character to beckon vice." Losien: "That should be obvious. It could be metaphorical, but, here in the NeS, it could literally mean... Vice." Amal: "Vice and TLTE team up?" Losien: "Could be..." Amal: "But Vice is... capitalist!" Losien: "And that's why it's a broken seal... something unimaginable. Inconceivable." Frank Smith: "A Communist and a Capitalist... in an alliance! What's the world come to!? Is this real life!?" Losien: "If we're smart, we can get ahead of TLTE. We can stop him by taking out Vice. We locate him before TLTE can!" ------------- Britt - cont. A few days later, Britt was sat at a long table as an honorary guest of Queen Ptetra - who was, in fact, Ptolly. She sat at the head of the long table, several people away from Britt, and looked very uncomfortable in her royal garb that consisted of purple and gold layers and layers of fabric. On her head was a very tall headdress that threatened to topple over and club the nearest man in the face at any given moment. Britt was sat with Kaptin to his right and a smelly fat lord on his left. The Lord, as with most Jupiterians, had decided to attend completely shirtless and his ripply fat was on show for everyone to see. Britt wondered, if they were able to choose how they looked then why in the name of Heaven did the Lord choose that look? Opposite Britt was Ohqeanos and Nostradamus, though they were barely visible above all the cakes, meats and other assorted foodstuff that Britt couldn't identify. The Hulk beast had been left to roam the kennels with the other animals. Poor brute. Britt: "So how do we get out of this one?" Kaptin: "I kind of like it here! All the food you can eat!" Britt: "Which is zero in your case!" Kaptin: "A man can dream!" Britt: "You have no brain to dream with." Kaptin: "You always have to ruin everything for me, don't you?" Britt: "Actually I don't even know how you can talk. You have no tongue. No vocal chords." Kaptin: "I decided questioning it would make the magic go away. So I don't question it. And neither will you." Britt: "You are kinda creepy though. I should probably have stopped talking to you a while ago." Suddenly the turkey, or what Britt called a turkey with extra limbs and heads, was skewered and lifted up. Ohqeanos peeped below the fat creature, suspended in the air with a long knife. Ohqeanos: "We need to save Polly." Britt: "If you drop that... you'll only have yourself to blame when my neighbour tries to eat you instead." Ohqeanos: "I'm being serious!" Britt glanced at the Fat Lord then turned back to Ohqeanos. Britt: "Me too!" Ohqeanos: "We need to find the real Queen Ptetra!" Britt: "I think we should just vamoosh and leave them all to it. Polly shouldn't be Queen at all, she shouldn't be here. Mucking about with this stuff will summon a very angry woman who once puked time. Seriously, let's just go." Nostradamus' head appeared below the turkey-beast. Nostradamus: "Actually she can and you should go find the missing Queen. It is Written." Britt: "Stop saying that! It doesn't mean anything! Stop trying to sound all... spooky." Ohqeanos: "Please Britt. You have to do this. It's... it's your fault to begin with!" Britt: "Way to charm a guy." Ohqeanos: "Charm doesn't work on you, I've noticed. But guilt does!" Nostradamus: "He has a point. Your Character Sheet very clearly-- uh... Did I say Character Sheet? I meant... you aura. Yes. Your aura is looking very guilty." Britt points a finger at Nostradamus. Britt: "I'm onto you, buddy! I don't know what your game is, but I'll find out!" Suddenly the turkey-beast fell from the knife. And smacked Britt in the face. Rendering him completely unconscious... Back on Earth, the forces of Disney have returned home to find many of their subjects have become brainwashed by social media! Dr Evil: "GET BACK TO WORK!" He decrees over the many Disney workers and artists. Dr Evil: "My Empire of Joy an Evil will not be taken down by FacebookFacebook article, Wikipedia., TwitterTwitter article, Wikipedia. or whatever other nonsense you've all been obsessed by! I hereby ban all social media unless it is officially endorsed by Disney!" He wheels himself away from the group of despondent workers until Semievil takes hold of the handles of the wheelchair. Semievil: "It's coming from the U.S.A., dad. The new President is Arkng Thand and he's trying to make the people puppets of his own empire." Dr Evil: "Why would someone like Thand do this? He's always been such a recluse!" Semievil: "I wanted to know that too so I started making enquiries. It looks like we may have an ally in the U.S." Dr Evil: "Who?" Semievil: "A company called Proctor Research. My contact is called Angela Langley." Dr Evil: "Give them funding. Ensure she has whatever resources we can provide. Once we know what Thand's up to, I can curb his influence. If it means Disney going to war with the U.S.A. then so be it..." Britt - cont. Britt woke up to find himself watching the floor wobble by. He looks up to see the face of the Hulk, albeit more human-looking than ever. Britt: "This is very undignified." Ohqeanos: "Sorry, Britt. You should put him down now, fella." Hulk dropped Britt. Britt: "Ouch... more gently next time, okay?" He found he was lying in a strange red weed. It was sticky and looked like tubes, but seemed as abundant as grass on Earth. He pulled himself up from the red weed and dusted himself down. Ohqeanos: "You wouldn't wake up. I was worried you'd gone into one of your Sleeps." Britt: "Luckily not. But even a normal sleep for me is a Sleep, if you follow me. Where the Hell did you bring me to?" Ohqeanos: "The search for the real Ptetra! She was last seen riding her horse out here." Britt: "They have horses?" Ohqeanos: "It looks like a horse... but has raindbow hair and talks apparently. I decided to just roll with it." Britt: "Great... and why is Polly here?" Polly: "Why wouldn't I be!?" Britt: "You're supposed to be Queening back at the palace. And look at what you're wearing!" Polly was still dressed as he Queen and having trouble just walking. Polly: "I have to keep up appearances." Britt: "And Michel?" Nostradamus: "I thought it would be wonderful to watch you in action, Britt! I knew you'd wake up! That's why I insisted you be brought along!" Ohqeanos: "He was right once again..." Britt: "Yeah right..." Kaptin: "You didn't ask why I'm here!" Britt: "You're everywhere I go these days, Kwanza. I considered trying to shake you a while back but I realised it would probably just make you cling to me even more." Kaptin: "I think I was just insulted..." Notes Britt's Commentary "The idea of the red weedRed weed article, Wikipedia. of MarsMars article, Wikipedia. stems from H.G. WellsH.G. Wells article, Wikipedia.' novel The War of the WorldsThe War of the Worlds article, Wikipedia.." ~ Britt the Writer References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post